Proud
by liztits
Summary: Admiral David Anderson is a strong man. A brave man. How will he feel when he knows he's going to die? Second in verse. Partner to "The End"


I knew going in that I probably wouldn't make it out.  
When I stepped into that beam, I prayed that Kahlee would forgive me, that she would understand.  
I knew that Shepard would make it, and I knew that she would need me, or at least somebody, up there with her.  
"Shepard" I called through the comm link, hoping she'd be conscious. "Shepard!"

I heard groaning come through my headset and sighed with relief. "Anderson? You up here too?" She asked, and I could hear her dragging herself to her feet.  
"Followed you up, but we didn't come out at the same place… at least, I don't think we did. What do your surroundings look like?" I ask her, starting to stumble forward through the mess of bodies around me. She doesn't reply straight away. "You okay?" I ask again.  
"I feel like death" She tells me, pain obvious in her voice, "but I'm moving." She pauses for a second before she continues. "It's dark, there's… human remains scattered."  
"Sounds familiar" I tell her, continuing move, "I'm in a dark hallway… reminds me of your description of the Collector base."  
"Makes sense" She replies, grunting in pain.

"You think they're making a Reaper in here?" I ask her, stumbling over a body.  
"Sure, they round them up on Earth, then send the people up here to be processed." She scoffs disgustedly.  
"Goddamn abomination. I'm going to keep moving. The sooner we blow these bastards back to hell, the better." I carry on moving through the narrow passageway "The tubes don't go on forever, but where the hell are we?" I muse aloud.  
"Yeah" Shepard agrees with me. "Doesn't look like any part of the Citadel I've ever been to."

"Whoa" I mumble, as the walls of the tunnel shift before me, opening into a well-lit chasm.  
"Anderson?" Shepard sounds concerned on the other end of the line.  
"One of the walls here just realigned itself. The place is shifting. Changing." I tell her, heading forward into the gap. "There's a chasm here, and more hallways like the one I was in"  
"I think I'm near an exit" Shepard crackles across the connection.

I carry on moving forward, noticing a room before me. "I see something up ahead, might be a way to cross over." I don't know why I use the words cross over. I'm not convinced we made it? I can't even make sense of my own thoughts right now.  
"Don't get too far ahead of me." She tells me, and I can hear the shifting of more walls around her.  
"Where do you think you're at?" I ask her, coming closer to the room.  
"Just found the chasm you were talking about"  
"Hold on," I tell her, walking into the room "I see something. A control panel maybe. I'm just gonna go on and check.." I move towards the controls, taking a second to rest against the hard metal, eyes' scanning the panel itself.

Before I can open my mouth to tell Shepard I've found the controls, my entire body seizes up. At first I don't know what's happening, until I hear a smooth voice chime up behind me. "Hello Admiral"  
The Illusive Man! How the hell did he get up here? I open my mouth to ask but he silences me with a wave of his hand. "All will be explained" He tells me, moving back into the shadows as I hear footsteps approaching.  
"Anderson" I hear behind me, and realise that Shepard is here.  
I struggle to turn, my back ramrod straight "Shepard… I can't…" I try and speak but The Illusive Man is stopping me. I see him approach behind Shepard and desperately want to warn her.

"I underestimated you, Shepard." He tells her as he strolls around.  
A look of confusion overtakes Shepards face as she's doubled over under the intense stare of The Illusive Man's cybernetic eyes. "What…"  
"I warned you." He tells her "Control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers… and you, if necessary."  
I groan as I fight his control "They're controlling you." I tell him.  
"I don't think so, Admiral."  
"Controlling me is a lot different than controlling the Reapers" Shepard tells him, looking up through her dirt caked hair.

The Illusive Man crosses his arms, looking down at Shepard with contempt. "Have a little faith." He turns and looks out of the window of the control room. "When humanity discovered the mass relays... when we learned there was more to the galaxy than we imagined… there were some who thought the relays should be destroyed. They were scared of what we'd find. Terrified of what we might let in." I follow him with my eyes, unable to move my body more than an inch. "But look at what humanity has achieved! Since that discovery we've advanced more than the last 10,000 years combined." He pauses slightly, "And the Reapers will do the same for us again. A thousand fold. But…" He turns his gaze on Shepard again, and a look of pain crosses her face as she starts to raise her gun in my direction. "only if we can harness their ability to control."  
"Bullshit." I tell him, raising my arm. "We destroy them, or they destroy us."  
"And waste this opportunity? Never!"  
"You're playing with things you don't understand," Shepard strains out "With power you shouldn't be able to use."  
"I… don't believe that." He replies, his façade falling slightly. "If we can control it, why shouldn't it be ours."  
"Because, we're not ready."  
"No, this is the way humanity must evolve." He argues, sounding more erratic.  
"There's always another way." I tell him, turning my head slightly to make eye contact with him.  
"I've dedicated my life to understanding the Reapers, and I know with certainty the Crucible will allow me to control them."  
"And then what?" Shepard asks, tone dangerous even though she can't move.  
"Look at the power they wield. Look at what they can do!" His voice raises, and he lifts his arm, pulling the trigger with Shepard's finger and shooting me in the chest. Pain spreads across my body but I'm still frozen, stuck in the same position.

Anger flashes across Shepard's face, "I see what they did to you!" She yells, lips curling in anger.  
"I took what I wanted from them! Made it my own" The Illusive Man argues. It's getting harder to concentrate on what they're talking about as blood pours through the wound in my chest. "This isn't about me or you! It's about things so much bigger than all of us!"  
"He's wrong" I wheeze out, "Don't listen to him"  
"And who will you listen to, Shepard? An old soldier, stuck in his ways, only able to see the world down the barrel of a gun?" He motions toward me, "And what if he's wrong? What if controlling the Reapers is the answer?"  
"If we destroy the Reapers, this ends today" Shepard tells him, a drop of blood falling from her mouth and splashing against the cold, hard metal of the floor. "But if you can't control them…"  
"But I can" The Illusive man yells, throwing an arm out, but he sounds less sure of himself.  
"And you're willing to bet humanity's existence on it?" Shepard counters.  
"I know it will work" He shakes his head furiously, trying to fight something we can't see.  
"You can't, can you? They won't let you do it."  
"NO!" He yells, pointing an angry finger in Shepard's direction. "I'm in control! No one is telling me what to do!"  
"Listen to yourself." I choke out. "You're indoctrinated."  
"No! NO! The two of you, so self-righteous, do you think that power like this comes easy? There are sacrifices…"  
"You've sacrificed too much." Shepard counters again.  
"Shepard, I… I only wanted to protect humanity. The Crucible can control them! I know it can. I just…"  
"It's not too late, let us go. We'll do the rest."  
"I… I can't do that, Commander."  
"Of course you can't" I interject. "They own you now."  
"You…" He walks up behind me, taking the gun from my belt. "You'd undo everything I've accomplished. I won't let that happen."  
"You're not yourself anymore. They've taken you." Shepard tells him, still frozen in the same position.  
"No!" He yells once again, using his power to bring me to my knees. I try to fight it but I can't, I feel my knees bend despite my internal protest. "You're the one who failed!" He raises the gun behind me and I squeeze my eyes closed. Kahlee, I'm so sorry, I didn't want it to end like this. I hear the sound of a gunshot but no extra pain comes, no darkness.

I raise my head to see Shepard's gun smoking, and hear a thud behind me as The Illusive Man's body falls to the floor.  
I let myself fall to the floor momentarily, a feeling of relief washing over me. I won't die by his hand.  
Shepard drags herself past me, moving toward the control panel as I pull myself to my knees, crawling forward and sitting down with my back against the circular steps. I watch the arms of the Citadel open, and know that I'm looking at Earth for the last time.  
"There…" The Illusive Man gasps out from behind me, "Earth… I wish you could see it like I do… Shepard. It's so… perfect." He drags in one last, gurgling breath before his head hits the floor with a dull bang.

I breathe in a rasping breath as Shepard turns to look at me.  
She walks over and drops down beside me, resting her back against the step.  
"Commander." I greet, unsure of how to continue.  
"We did it." She says, a ghost of a smile on her lips.  
"Yes, we did." I feel my lips turning up slightly. "It's quite a view."  
She laughs slightly, before coughing. "Best seats in the house," she jokes.  
"God." I breath out, feeling my body start to relax. Probably a bad sign. "It feels like years since I just sat down."  
"I think you earned a rest." She turns to look at me. "Anderson?"  
"Mmmm" I mumble in agreement. I feel my head dip.  
"Stay with me." She asks, her own head dipping slightly to look at me. "We're almost through this."  
I don't want to tell her that I know I won't make it back to Earth, that this is the last she'll see of me. I settle for something else. "You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you." My head dips again, rolling to the side, and I feel the energy living my body. The last ebbs cling but I can't bring myself to move, to say anything else. I've said all I needed to say.  
"Thank you, sir." She turns to look at me again, I feel her gaze on me. "Anderson?" I can't move, can't say anything else. I'm just so damn tired.

I'm vaguely aware of Shepard moving beside me, trying stand, and I see her fall through my half closed eyes. The square of metal she falls down upon moves upward, floating toward an opening in the roof. I can't leave her, not alone. I drag myself forward when the metal returns, rolling onto the cold piece of flooring and sighing in relief when the panel begins to move.

I can hear a childs voice talking in the distance, listing Shepard's options.  
Control, what The Illusive Man wants. She'll never pick that, she could never control anyone. Never take away choice, even from the Reapers.

Destroy. I know she'll picture me when she thinks about this one. It's what I want. What I think is best. Wipe out the threat entirely. But would it wipe out the threat forever? I think about it as I move closer to the gap in the roof. We'll rebuild, more robots, more synthetics. We can't live without them. Hell, even Shepard is partly synthetic now. Would destroying the Reapers, destroying all synthetics, kill her?

Synthesis. When he explains this one, it sounds more Shepard than any other choice. She fought so hard to save the Geth, to give them another chance at life. She even fought for EDI, so she would have the chance to be a person. We rely so hard on synthetics, would anyone really be able to live without them? I know she's thinking about Joker, and how it would destroy him if she destroyed EDI.

I feel the flooring stop, and I roll off, standing, just in time to see her ambling towards the beam of light. She's made her choice, and I know it's the right one. She'd never do anything wrong.

I try and call out to her, to get her to stop, to let me walk with her but she can't hear me, or I'm not making a sound. I use the last of myself to pull myself after her, stumbling to my feet and running in her direction.  
I see her stop in front of the massive beam of light, watch her take a deep breath. It takes me a minute to realise what she's going to do, and I push myself further forward, desperately trying to reach her.  
She hears me approaching and turns, her mouth dropping slightly. She calls after me to stop, and a thousand things flash through my mind, trying to find the right thing to tell her. I settle for "This is the right thing to do" because I know it is, "I'm dead anyway" I tell her, looking at the massive trail of blood I've left behind me.

I leap into the beam, feeling weightless as I hit it, every fibre of me relaxing as I melt away. I see Kahlee, the last time we were together before the war, smiling at me softly, dressed in a sundress and happier than she'd been in ages. As I let myself drift away, I murmur softly "I love you…"

* * *

**So, I decided to carry this thing on! I hope this explains a little bit about what happened in the last story, which you should read, if you haven't. Gonna make this an entire verse, what happens at the end of the war and after. Suggestions on titles for the verse would be brilliant.  
And as always, please review, it makes me happy and keeps me in the writing zone!  
And, any suggestions for characters you wanna hear about would be fab. I have a pairing list I'm pretty set on but suggestions are rad! **


End file.
